How Are You Doing?

Most people probably experience this on a daily basis, usually at work. You pass by a coworker in the hall, run into an acquaintance at the grocery store, or greet the clerk in the checkout line. One of the first questions that are asked is "How are you doing?" Typically the proper response is to say "Okay.", "Fine.", or "Good." and then follow it up with the obligitory "And you?"

 

Ultimately, these pleasantries are generally meaningless. Most of the time, we don't really care how the other person is doing. We just want to get back to whatever task in which we were engaged or to turn the conversation onto our favorite subject, ourselves, and back to our own self-centered world. Just as we are self-centered in our question we are self-centered in our response.

 

for one thing, we aren't really letting anyone into a deeper level of ourselves when we respond with the customary and socially-acceptable falsehoods. After all, quite often we aren't fine. What we are really thinking is "Actually, I am not doing that well. I didn't sleep well last night because I spent the entire night tossing and turning, worrying about how I am going to pay for (insert ridiculously larger expense here), my back is killing me from sitting in this desk chair for 40 hours a week, everyone in the world is unappreciative of me, and at the moment my underwear is riding up and giving me a wedgie."

 

Heaven forbid if we actually told someone how we feel. We might actually be forced to let someone into our lives. Of course, if someone actually answered that way, we would actually be forced to stop thinking about ourselves for a moment and tend to someone who is having some difficultly.

 

So, how are you doing. Fine. And you?